5:40 am: Alarm goes off at usual time. Remember that I'm working from home today. Reset alarm for 6:20.
6:20: Alarm goes off. Decide to wear hair in piggy-tail braids for doctor's appointment. Snooze.
6:30: Alarm goes off. Again. Debate whether I can skip shower and rely on post-spinning shower from night before. Decide this is sub-optimal. Position body so I can stare at clock and get "just five more minutes."
6:37: Damn it. That was more than 5 minutes. Get up and get into shower. Skip shaving legs - no need to look cute (or well-shaved) today. Promise myself not to let anyone touch or look at my legs. Should be easy - it's 40 degrees out.
6:50: Out of shower, digging through laundry to find track pants. Wrinkled! Work from home or not, they need to be ironed. Damn it!
6:55: Dry hair, brush teeth. Put on some makeup so as not to frighten the townspeople. Hair under pink baseball cap, piggy-tail braids... check! Anticipating that child's doctor's appointment will run late, send email to organizer of 8:00 call to let her know I will be dialing in late. Hope she gets it before meeting starts. Simultaneously hope other attorney on call will be on time - cc him to be safe.
7:10: Carry still-sleeping child downstairs, wrap in blanket, put on Timmy Time.
7:15: Dress sleeping child.
7:25: Stand still-mostly-asleep child up in front of toilet, and pull his pants down. Walk out of bathroom hoping he is sufficiently coherent to hit the potty.
7:32: In car on the way to doctor. Fingers tightly crossed there is no traffic!
7:41: Check in for 7:40 appointment. Sit patiently with child dozing in lap. Smile kindly as strangers comment on how wonderful it would be to cuddle up in mommy's lap, while wondering whether that's really an appropriate statement to make to a perfect stranger. Finally... called back into the office. The second wait in doctor's office purgatory begins.
7:55: Doctor arrives.
8:18: Finally done with checkup. Time to dial in for 8 am call. Only 18 minutes late! Yay for Bluetooth!
8:50: Earned first bitchy badge of the day! Only minimal interruptions to conference call - two dog barkings, one request from the child for Despicable Me. Overall, a good showing. Listen to voicemail. Receive message asking whether I or my colleague plan to dial in for the call. Voicemail time? 8:10. &%#! Make mental note to talk to more junior colleague about importance of being on time for calls (or at least to send email saying you would be late). After feeble attempt to find normal Despicable Me DVD, commence attempt to get clearly obsolete Blu Ray player to load Blu Ray disc of movie.
9:00: Second call of the day - on time and back on track! Continue efforts to get Blu Ray player to load Despicable Me. Consider ripping player out of entertainment unit and throwing it off of deck. Decide against this, on basis that we are on budget and can't afford to replace because child is going to private school in fall. Continue loading efforts during call, periodically updating colleagues of status of movie.
9:59: Second call finally ends! Call Byron to ask how to get Blu Ray player to load - is there some sort of magic incantation? Explain to child that it is better to be Gru than a Minion. Reminded by Byron that PS3 is also a Blu Ray player. Give up on Blu Ray player and move disc to PS3 and begin efforts to start movie... again.
10:02: Success! Child watching Despicable Me. Admit to myself that the minions are pretty cute.
10:15: Call with junior colleague who was on 8:00 call. Decide against pointing out he shouldn't be late, since it isn't likely to be productive (and might prematurely earn me a second bitchy badge of day).
10:28: Return voicemail from person asking if I would attend 8 am call. Yes, yes I will!
10:40: Phone tag, I'm it!
10:42: Revise document that was supposed to go out two days ago, but which I only last night got comments on. Woot!
11:45: Send email to person asking the same question for the n'th time this week. Must... go... to... my... happy... place... Bitchy badge number two safely tucked under my belt. Child now on second showing of Despicable Me.
11:51: Start lunch - soup for me, and mac and cheese for child. Theme: orange food.
12:20: Finish soup. Realize I need medical form for child's second doctor's appointment of the day. Begin looking (futilely) for form. Go online to find form; venture to basement to print. Tell child I am going to basement for a few minutes. Repeatedly respond to child's calls asking where I am.
12:55: Plenty of time before we need to leave! More emails. Bitchy badge number three... check! Look at clock, and discover it is now...
1:17: Shit. Have to leave! Put child and Lego rocket ship in car - on the way to doctor!
1:33: Check in for 1:30 appointment.
1:58: Finally, our turn! Read books to child while checking and responding to email. Email organizer of 2:00 call to let him know it's not looking good for me to make it (on time or at all), and that I'll circle back later in the day. Debate going out to hallway to look for doctor. Decide against this, as an angry pediatrician is not a productive pediatrician. Patience, grasshopper. Realize therapy is helping. Go me!
2:15: Doctor materializes, 45 minutes after appointment time. Perfect record of being on time for her appointments is officially shot. Sad, but not unexpected.
2:48: Finally done with doctor! Child is healthy. Woo hoo! Just enough time to get home before 3:00 call, even driving at the speed limit. Success!
2:58: Dial in for 3:00 call, while hitting play on remainder of Despicable Me.
3:03: Despicable Me is over (thank GOD!), and child wants another movie. Colleague on the phone does an amazing Gru impression for child. Child invites "Gru" to visit and sleep over at our house. Female colleagues on phone think this is "just the cutest thing." Wondering whether we now have an obligation to actually invite Phil-as-Gru for a sleep over. Hmm. I hope not, as this would probably make meetings with Phil-not-as-Gru fairly awkward.
3:05: Child selects Sleeping Beauty as his new movie. Once movie is loaded into PS3, he sits on couch holding Despicable Me case - so excited for his sleep over with Gru! Yikes.
3:07: Two minutes in, I am wishing I had a spindle I could prick my finger on to make this call end.
3:46: Earn diplomat of year award from one half of call participants; possible subject of fatwa by other half of call participants. Oh yeah... I'm living the dream.
4:13: Call is finally over. Or rather, it appears they randomly disconnected from the conference, since the call ended mid-sentence. Either way, time to dial in for my 4:00 meeting. Better late than never, right?
4:14: Listening to conference call discussion, answering emails, reviewing a document, prying Lego pieces apart, and making chocolate milk and a "snicky snack" for the child. In other words, multi-tasking.
4:22: Sleeping Beauty is over. New movie? Ratatouille. (Rat Patootie?) Thank you, Mr. Disney!
4:58: Call ends "early." Wonder whether it's possible to punch person who said "wow - you get two minutes of your day back" in face through phone. Alas, it is not.
5:04: On my last call of the day. Woot!
5:19: Call is done. Hmm... that was too easy. Anticipating how this will blow up in my face tomorrow.
5:20: Sitting down to watch Rat Patootie. What's for dinner? Spaghetti and sprinkle cheese? Or cold cut sandwiches? So many choices.
5:27: Forgot to check voicemail. Seven messages! Back to work!
5:38: Done (again)! Rat Patootie, here I come!
Just another day in the life of a working mommy.
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