Bs from the BS

I'm not an avid fan of RuPaul (or even a half-assed fan, for that matter), but I am an avid reader of Jezebel.com.  And Jezebel has a regular feature which shares notable tweets.  Some are profound - or as profound as one can get in 140 characters - and some are clearly just intended to get something out there to the followers... to keep them engaged and reading.

But a recent tweet from RuPaul on the site caught my eye.  It said:  Very easy to find participants in a pity party. But can U rock it with the bitches from the bright side?  http://jezebel.com/5884200/khloe-kardashian-takes-a-ride-in-the-kotex-mobile/gallery/20

Oh, RuPaul, how right you are...  And it was a much-needed and timely reminder that it's easy to grouse, it's easy to let yourself wallow, but it can be much more difficult to chin up and find a way through the darkness.

Turn to the left


Sometimes, a pity party is just what you need.  Some major life events demand not just a pity party, but a pity cotillion.  Smaller traumas require a more intimate get together.  And if you have friends, you will always find people to attend your pity party, regardless of the size or duration.  But the reality is that some pity party guests have better "manners" than others.

For example, are you having a pity party to celebrate a recent break up?  Beware the pity party animal who will remind you - ad nauseum - that your now-ex-boyfriend was an asshole to begin with, and of course, had you realized that earlier on in your relationship (which was impossible, given your terrible history with men and your patent, constitutional and obviously pathetic inability to see past the fact that all signs indicated he was a decent guy and this came completely out of the blue), this never would have happened!  Or maybe if you had just listened to her a year ago when she said that she heard from someone else, who heard from someone else that he was not your type, that he had different interests, and that she said way back then that it wouldn't work, well... you know...

In other words, there are some people who seem to thrive on keeping your pity party going.  Willing participants, the pity party animal will bring hats, noisemakers, streamers, and copious quantities of libations to the party.  Even when you're ready for it to end and have turned off the music (or put on the best party-ending music ever, New Kids on the Block), they're in the middle of the room dancing by themselves, screaming "Oh my GOD... we should do SHOTS!"

Turn to the right


On the flip side of the pity party animals are what RuPaul has brilliantly named "bitches from the bright side".  They may attend the party for a while, but they're also the ones trying to get you to move on to a better party across the street.  They won't drag you there, of course - some pity parties have to naturally run their course - but they won't beg you to stay at the pity party, either.

Back to the break up example, the BftBS will be the one with the ice cream and a shoulder to cry on.  The BftBS will nod quietly, listen to your tale of woe, ask how she can help, and point out that if he is as big of a jerk as you say he is, perhaps this is a smart decision (no matter who made it), and an opportunity to find a better match.  She'll give you hugs.  She won't judge.  She won't minimize your pain.  She'll try to understand what you are going through, and if possible, help you to find a positive path forward.

You'd better work


At the end of the day, you are the host of your pity party, and you control its outcome.  Only you can decide whether you want to move on to the party across the street with the BftBS, or hang out with the pity party animal to do mind eraser shots and make bad decisions.  It can sometimes be difficult when you're in the throes of a pity party to figure out who is who.  You have to pay attention, and for each guest in attendance, ask yourself:  Is this person making me feel worse about myself, my situation, or my decision?  Or is this person helping me acknowledge what has happened, assimilate the information, interpret its meaning (if there is any) and find a positive path forward?  If it's the former, politely suggest that they might be better served hitting the bar down the street.  If it's the latter, hold on to those friends, because BftBS are worth their weight in gold.

Of course, once the party has ended and you are firmly back in the fold of the BftBS, there is only one thing to say:

Sashay, Shante!