The Cat's Out of the Bag

Makeup is illusion.  It is the mask with which women (and some men) present a more ideal face to our adoring public.  Makeup can give us confidence that we are putting our best face forward, not our “I didn’t get nearly enough sleep last night” face,” or our “This is what I look like after a night of drinking” face,” or our “Blotchy skin and undereye circles run in my family” face.  And for many women, their hair speaks volumes, whether they use a volumizing conditioner or not.  Sleek and straight says one thing; curly and wild says another.  Sporty pigtail braids fall into a separate category than a headband or a scarf.  A perky, high ponytail sends a different message than a conservative, low ponytail.  In light of all of this, can someone out there please explain to me the rationale behind coming into work without your makeup and hair done, then standing in the office bathroom for a half hour to do it?

The only explanation I have heard which makes any sense is that it saves the woman some time in the morning to get ready.  While I am wholeheartedly in favour of finding any reasonable way to get an extra half hour of sleep, and I will readily admit that I go through a daily post-alarm assessment of things I can do which would allow me to hit the snooze just one more time, this “method” just seems unethical: why should your employer have to pay for you to make yourself presentable?  Because, let’s "face" it, that’s precisely what is happening, ladies!  Think about it.  You are being paid by your employer for your time at work.  And you are taking that time – time that should, at least in theory, be spent working – to get ready... time that your fellow co-workers who came to work already made up are spending doing the business of the day!  Did you come to your job interview without your hair and makeup done, then proceed to put the finishing touches on while exchanging pleasantries and providing more detail about your experience?  If you didn’t, then I think it’s fair to say that your employer reasonably expects you to show up for work with all of that prep work done already.  I mean, you wouldn’t show up to work in your pajamas and then get dressed in the bathroom, would you?  Isn’t it just a basic expectation that when you arrive at work, you are dressed and ready to go, and that you don’t need to spend the first half hour doing what should have been done at home in front of your own bathroom mirror?

Besides the myriad equitable arguments against this little “system,” we can’t ignore its biggest (in my view, its most fatal) flaw: by the time you get into work, get settled, perhaps take a conference call or two and eventually wander into the bathroom to put on your makeup and do your hair, people have already seen you in your “base” state.  Why bother?  It isn’t like you’re fooling anyone.  We’ve all seen you without the corrector and foundation to even out your skin tone.  We are aware that your eyelashes are thin and that your eyes don’t “pop” naturally.  We’ve seen your frizzy, bed-head hair (seriously, can you please just run a comb through it before you leave in the morning?).   And now we know what products you use, which for some reason, just seems like more information than I need to have about some of my colleagues.  In any case, we are not impressed with how fabulous you look when you (finally) walk out of the bathroom ready to shine, because we’ve seen your unfabulous, shineless head already.  

The cat’s out of the bag.  Don’t waste your time trying to stuff it back in.