Dryer Fresh

I hate doing laundry. 

Don't get me wrong.  I like having clean clothes.  And mornings are always easier when I have my clean clothes folded on a shelf or in a drawer, or neatly ironed and hung in the closet.  I also subscribe to the philosophy that you should always wear clean underwear, in case you are in a car accident (if I understand my mother's guidance on this subject correctly, paramedics will only rescue people with clean underwear).  So I get the myriad benefits of laundry.  Really, I do.

But that doesn't change the fact that I hate doing the laundry.  I also hate doing a variety of other household tasks, such as cooking, cleaning, making the beds, and scooping the cat litter.  In other words, to the extent I harbour any hopes of being a goddess, it is clear I will not be one of the domestic variety.

This doesn't change the fact, though, that these things need to be done.  I will resist the temptation to wander off into la-la land by suggesting that my husband and son can help; such delusions benefit no one.  No, what I need is a realistic solution.  I need something practical.  I need a wife.

Yes, I said it.  I need a wife.  Ideally, she would know how to cook something more elaborate than spaghetti with butter and sprinkle cheese (my specialty when Byron is working late and I only have to cook for me and Nate).  She would have laundry down to a science - just the right combination of detergent, softener, and dryer sheets to help my sheets and towels smell super spiffy and feel fresh-from-the-dryer soft.  She would keep the bathrooms tidy, the kitchen spotless, and the floors vaccuumed.  She would clean the litter box at least twice a week, and refill my Wallflower sniffy things before they dry up become fire hazards.  Ahhh... utopia!

I suppose to get into the spirit of the whole "sister wife" thing, I would need to let my new wife have, um, relations with my husband. 

Let me think about that one...

Yep.  I can live with that.  One more thing to cross off my list, right?

Then again, if Byron gets an extra wife and double the "relations" (not to mention he would certainly benefit from the laundry, cooking, cleaning and litter scooping) then maybe we should also get an extra husband.  Fair is fair, right?

Think of it!  Our second hubby can help take out the garbage!  He could sort the recycling!  He could, you know... I don't know... leave his socks on the floor!  He could... um... put dirty dishes in the sink without rinsing them!  He could... he could... 

On second thought, I've got a load of laundry to put in.